


Ewig, Bro

by grapeboy



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: A lot of crying?, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-14 14:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18949906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapeboy/pseuds/grapeboy
Summary: Kai doesn't take Julian's transfer news well (from the prompt: "You know when your phone buzzes, it means I’m trying to talk to you, right?")





	Ewig, Bro

**Author's Note:**

> \- Heard people wanted angst and i wanted to write angst so here we are!  
> \- Let's just go more with the [myislamicdream.com 's ](http://www.myislamicdream.com/cooked_steak.html) dream definition of steak...  
> \- Maybe they don't cry this much irl I dont know but I'm sad!

The evening started off fine enough, just like any other. Julian had wanted to take them all (Kai, Sam and Mitch) out to eat, “just for fun,” he said. Kai was already suspicious with that remark but he went with it, especially because the place Julian wanted to take them had really good steak. He had a dream about it the night before.

 

“You had a dream about steak?” Julian said, giving him an odd look after he relayed them the story.

 

Kai shrugged. “Yeah. It was really good, I think. Never got to eat it. Woke up before I could.” He shook his head sadly and taking a drink of water absentmindedly, choked on it.

 

Sam burst out laughing. “How are you going to eat steak when you can’t even swallow water correctly?”

 

Kai glared at him, as he continued to cough. That was the first thing that put him in a foul mood. But then he felt a gentle hand pat his back and saw Julian beaming at him, crinkles around his eyes.

 

“You ok there?” He said. Kai nodded and delicately wiped his mouth with his napkin. He couldn’t stay sad long when Julian was smiling. He didn’t think Julian could ever make him feel bad. But right after they started eating, he was proven wrong.

 

“So… I said yes to Dortmund,” Julian said nervously and began slicing into his steak while looking at Kai. All eyes were on Kai actually. Sam and Mitch, quickly over their initial surprise, had turned to Kai to see his reaction.

 

Kai was focusing on the water going down his throat (not wanting to choke again) when it dawned on him what Julian just said. He set down his glass with a loud thud and the table to shake violently, drips of water flying across the table. He looked up hesitantly to the scared eyes of his friends. Even Sam looked concerned…and Sam never looked concerned.

 

Kai forced himself to look at Julian, smiling weakly and nodding in response. “Sorry about the loud slam.”

 

Julian nodded without conviction. “Hm.” He turned to the rest of them with a pursed lipped smile and continued cutting his steak. The silence stretched out as they all went back to eating.

 

Suddenly Mitch shook his head and smiled. “Bro, congrats!! That’s so amazing and we are so happy for you!” He reached across the table to give Julian a shoulder squeeze.

 

“Thaaaanks Mitchyyyy!” Julian grinned and took a sip of water. He started to steal a look at Kai before Sam cut in.

 

“Julian Brandt a Dortmund player…who would have thunk it?” He said in awe. And then bursting out in his signature laugh, leaned and hugged Julian. “Yeah congrats bro, you deserve this.”

 

“Appreciate it Sam.” As the laughter died down, the coldness at the other end of the table became apparent and an awkwardness set back in.

 

Kai could feel it, the tension of his own creation thick around them. But he couldn’t respond the way they wanted him to. His mouth was dry and felt chalky and his stomach kept twinging in uncomfortable ways. He couldn’t swallow correctly and for a brief moment he considered he may have eaten something he was allergic to. When he looked at Julian, he quickly realized it was not something he ate.

 

They were sitting outside but the world starting feeling very small. Every clink of the cutlery against the plates sounded someone was ringing a huge bell. The steak that Kai had enjoyed the first few bites of, now looked like some road kill seen on the side of the road. The sour taste in his mouth wouldn’t go away no matter how much water he drank. His hands grew cold despite them being shoved in his pockets and suddenly he was hit with a violent shiver like it was January and not May.

 

Julian looked over quickly. “You cold?” He started to take off his jacket but Kai stopped him.

 

“No, I think I caught something. Gonna go home and rest up so I don’t miss training tomorrow.” He tried to smile at Julian but he ended up with a sad smirk and nodded goodbye at Sam and Mitch.

 

Just before he got out of earshot, he heard Sam hiss, “I told you he wouldn’t be happy about it.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sometime in the dark middle of the night Kai jerked out of his slumber, almost falling off the couch. _The couch?_ He looked down at himself and realized he was still in his clothes from the day before. Shaking his head from the haze, he pushed himself to a sitting position and rubbed his face. _What happened yesterday?_ He reached for his phone to check the time (2:10) and wincing at the brightness, laid back down on the couch.

 

 _So I said yes to Dortmund._ Julian’s voice floated through his head and all of the memories from the last night came flooding back. A cold hand grabbed Kai’s heart and a tear slipped out of his eye. He wanted to be happy for Julian, he really did, but he just…couldn’t. Not when he wouldn’t see him every day. Not when he had to play against him. Not when he might not be important to him anymore. With that thought he felt the tears began to fall and he heaved ugly sobs into the cushions of the couch. _This is ridiculous. I am ridiculous. I don’t deserve his friendship. I just need to tell him congratulations and act happy. It’s what he deserves._

 

But the thought of facing Julian tomorrow made Kai’s stomach churn. He reached for his phone again to text Bosz and saw that he had a text.

 

**Julian**

_Hey you didn’t look so good. Do you want to talk after training?_

 

Kai groaned loudly and choked back another sob. _I really don’t want to see you again but ok._ Instead of reading the text, he found his coach’s number and texted him that he wouldn’t be coming tomorrow, he didn’t feel so good, which wasn’t exactly a lie. For a second, he almost texted Julian but every time he thought about opening the chat, he would feel another pang of nausea. Chucking the phone across the room, he stumbled up the stairs to his bed and collapsed. As he drifted off to unrestful sleep, he realized that this was the first time he had missed training all year.

 

When the sun starting filtering through the curtains, he was feeling even worse than during the night before. Clutching his stomach he ran to the bathroom and threw up the dinner from last night. _Good thing I cancelled._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sometime later the next day, Kai heard the doorbell ring through his half slumber state. He didn’t know what time it was with the blinds closed and ignoring his phone all day. He definitely didn’t feel like answering the door. _If it was someone important, they would have a key._ The door clicked open and Kai’s heart sunk when he heard the voice.

 

“Kai? Hello? Where are you?” Julian stomped on the doormat. He was still in his cleats which meant he must have rushed home from practice. Kai’s heart fluttered at the thought and then sank down again. Julians voice called up the stairs again. “You know when your phone buzzes, it means I’m trying to talk to you, right?”

 

Kai forced himself up and walked out of his room. He stopped at the head of the stairs which overlooked the living room and front entrance. Julian’s hair was messed up and his cheeks bright red, matching the red Leverkusen kit. He had glanced over to Kai’s phone which was still over where it was thrown the night before and then turning to look at Kai, his entire demeanor changed.

 

“You look worse than last night.” He said, his tone worried and expression softening.

 

“Thanks.” Kai said, treading down the stairs to meet his friend. “I didn’t want to see you.” He was trying to be vicious but his words came out sad and lonely.

 

Julian gulped and his gaze shifted to the floor. “Why are you ignoring me?” His voice was barely audible.

 

Kai was now standing in front of him and there was nothing more he wanted to do but fall into Julian’s arms and cry but he kept his distance. “I’m not now, am I?”

 

Julian rolled his eyes at him. “You never just…don’t text me. Even when you’re mad you at least leave me on read or send me a passive aggressive emoji.” He walked closer to Kai and grabbed his hand. Kai’s lip wobbled threateningly so he bit it, hoping no tear would escape his eyes. “What is wrong?” It sounded like Julian was on the verge of tears too.

 

Kai tried to speak but his voice wouldn’t work. It was like there was something stuck in his throat that couldn’t escape. “I’m scared.” He couldn’t look at Julian but could feel his eyes burning into his face.

 

“Scared of what?” Julian asked. He felt his water begin to pool in his eyes so he turned away to the kitchen. “Is it because I’m leaving for Dortmund?” He stopped and whipped around.

 

“Of course it is, Jule.” He spat and wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. He turned back around to get water from the kitchen and try to compose himself. He looked over at Julian whose face had become very pale, more pale than usual and he swallowed.

 

“I’m scared too.” Julian said quietly.

 

Kai laughed without humor. “It’s not for the same reasons. Your reasons actually make sense. I’m just being a bad friend.”

 

Julian gave him a puzzled look. “How so?”

 

Kai downed the glass of water and went to the faucet to get more. “I should have congratulated you yesterday, I’m sorry. I am really hap— happy for you.” The ‘happy’ had gotten stuck in his throat.

 

Julian shook his head. “No, no, it’s big news I didn’t expect you to react like they did.” Kai nodded but stayed silent. “Why are you scared?” The lump in his throat was only getting bigger but he forced it down.

 

“It’s going to be weird playing against you.”

 

Julian sighed. “Yeah. That’s going to be really weird.” Julian looked at his shirt and gulped. Then looking at Kai, a look of panic went across his face. “You’re crying.” Kai was suddenly aware that his tears were flowing down his face. _This is humiliating._

 

Julian looked down. “I should have told you before I told the others, I was just scared to.”

 

Kai shrugged, furiously wiping his face. “You told us all at the same time, that’s fine.”

 

Julian bit his lip nervously. “I actually told them before.”

 

Kai slammed his water down on the stone countertop. “What?”

 

Julian flinched and suddenly his eyes were looking everywhere but Kai. “I tried to tell you before. I always tell you everything first, you’re my best friend ya know. But this— this was different. I needed help.”

 

Kai couldn’t look at him now. Of course Julian had expected him to flip out like this. He was just over emotional and hard to deal with. Julian was probably glad he was going to another club, wouldn’t have to deal with this person anymore. He was just a person who got too attached and had suffocated Julian with that. Julian would find new friends, better friends, who would be happy for him and let him be—

 

“It was so hard to tell you because I don’t want to leave you.” Julian’s quiet voice interrupted his spiral. It took Kai a minute to register what had just been said. _He doesn’t want to leave me?_ When Kai finally looked at Julian again, he saw that he was crying too. Julian tried to say more but he couldn’t, he just looked up at the ceiling and then back at Kai. The redness was not just from training, Kai realized.

 

Seeing Julian cry, Kai let his words spill out of him like a dam opening up. “I’m going to miss you so much, so much Jule. I don’t know if I can bear it. I was scared that you’re going to find another best friend at Dortmund and forget about me…us…Leverkusen, at a bigger club.” Julian was shaking his head violently, tears running down his face and dripping onto the stone floor.

 

He finally looked up and Kai and spoke. “You idiot. To think I could ever find someone I love as much as you.”

 

Kai was silenced completely. For a second, he couldn’t breath. He felt himself lurching to the side so he caught himself on the edge of the counter. Julian scoffed and walked around him to get a cup. Kai followed him with his eyes and finally mustered up the courage to respond.

 

“I love you too.” Julian took a sharp intake of air before looking up at Kai.

 

He sighed. “Well this is just great.” He turned on the faucet and focused on the water falling into the cup. Kai bowed his head down and leaned against the counter beside Julian. Out of his periphery vision, he saw Julian lean on the counter next to him. They both stared at the oven in front of them.

 

“How long have you felt this way?” Kai asked softly.

 

“Ever since I met you.” Julian answered quietly. “You?”

 

Kai folded his arms and looked down. “Had a crush on you when I watched you in the olympics.” He sighed and said, “I guess we’re both the idiots.”

 

Julian took a sip of water and nodded. “I guess so.”

 

The sadness lingered in the air and Kai sighed. “Why are these happy occasions always ruined. First you took an amazing opportunity and now we finally… are being honest with each other.”

 

Julian set the cup down on the counter. “Bad timing.”

 

Kai laughed. “Yeah.” They looked at each other, small smiles forming on each other’s faces. _He really is so beautiful._

 

Julian shook his head and he ran his hands through his hair. “Ah I hate this.” Kai cocked his head, confused. “I want to kiss you but…” His voice trailed off.

 

“I was thinking the same thing.” Kai said. He leaned over and quickly touched his lips to Julian’s. It was salty but softer than he had expected. Julian’s face lit up in the only way Julian’s would and suddenly Kai found himself pressed against the counter, Julian’s arm up his shirt, his breath hot on his face smothered with kisses. Kai wrapped his arms around Julian and kissed him back, noses bumping in the desperate carelessness. But the huge knot of sadness in Kai’s stomach had only grown stronger. He broke away and walked to the living room, running his hands through his hair.

 

Taking a few deep breaths, he turned back to look at Julian. “We shouldn’t. It just makes it hurt more.”

 

Julian nodded curtly and walked to join him in the living room. “You know, there’s a specific reason I chose Dortmund and not other clubs like Liverpool, Juventus, or even Bayern.”

 

Kai cracked a smile. “Thought you didn’t have that Mia San Mia mentality.”

 

“Shut up,” Julian said laughing. “Ok there were other reasons I didn’t choose Bayern and they didn’t like that so much.”

 

“Juventus?” Kai said, raising his eyebrows.

 

Julian rolled his eyes. “The thought of Italy lured me a little bit, I will admit.”

 

Kai shrugged and said, “Ok, so why did you choose Dortmund?” He sat at the edge of the couch and folded his hands, placing them in his lap.

 

Julian walked closer to him. “It’s only an hour away.” He sat down next to Kai and the edge of the couch and looked at him. “I honestly didn’t know you would feel the same way I did. I was just happy to be the shortest distance away from you as a best friend.”

 

Kai could feel a real smile growing on his face, the first one in a while. “That’s gay.”

 

“Kai we just started making out back there, what are you even trying to say,” Julian sighed.

 

“I don’t know, I’m just confused…and happy I think,” Kai grinned and looked over at Julian. “I didn’t expect to feel happy after my meltdown last night. Although I think I had food poisoning too.”

 

Julian winced. “Yeah, your steak didn’t look so good.”

 

Kai looked at him with surprise. “So it wasn’t just me?”

 

Julian shook his head and then put his hand anxiously on Kai’s shoulder. “You’re ok now?”

 

Kai nodded. “Yeah, this morning wasn’t fun though.”

 

“I’ll make you steak tonight, I know you were really looking forward to it,” Julian said, putting his arm around Kai and leaning his head on his shoulder.

 

“I never want to eat steak again in my life,” Kai laughed softly. “But thank you.” They were silent for a moment, not quite knowing what to say next. Kai finally broke the silence. “I’m still going to miss you. A lot.”

 

Julian nodded. “Me too.” He laced his fingers through Kai’s. “But I’ll come every week to play Fortnite.”

 

Kai snorted. “Drive an hour just to play Fortnite with me?”

 

“You won’t find anyone better.” Julian shrugged.

 

Kai smiled wryly. “You’re probably right.” He wrapped his arms around Julian and putting his head on his shoulder added. “I guess this duo with never die.”

 

Julian leaned his head against Kai’s. “We’ll live forever.” Kai rested his chin on the top of Julian’s head and closed his eyes. He was happy, ecstatic even, but tears fell like rain on Julian’s soft hair.

 

“I’m sorry it had to be like this,” Julian mumbled.

 

“Yeah, me too.”


End file.
